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3 Easy, Free Ways to Instantly Improve Your Relationship

It’s been 7 years now. More than 1,000 people. And through it all, there has been a consistent pattern in all the couples I’ve seen.

The pattern is simple – three things that are easy, free, and have an instant impact on your relationship.

No more excuses! Take the advice in this post and I promise you’ll see immediate results.


1) Go To Bed Together


If you aren’t going to bed together, you’re missing out on one of the best ways to connect. I know sometimes people have different sleep schedules, and it can be frustrating for both of you. If you commit to doing this, your schedules sync up and it becomes second nature.

As a general rule, join your partner within 30 minutes of them going to bed. But what about couples that work opposite, or very different hours?

If you’re the one who stays up late, go to bed with your partner until they fall asleep. Bed is one of the few times you have privacy and the chance to be intimate (both sexually and emotionally) so it’s important not to skip out. On top of that, it can be hard to fall asleep before your partner joins you.

Falling asleep alone has this weird exaggerated mental effect. People who fall asleep alone tend to report feeling more alone and unsupported in the relationship, even if they aren’t. I’m not a neuroscientist, but it wouldn’t surprise me if we’re hard wired on some level to crave closeness at night, and to feel more isolated than usual if we don’t have it.


2) No Electronics In Bed!


Creeping around on your phone is a bedtime ritual for many people, and it’s absolutely horrible for your relationship. It totally defeats the purpose of going to bed together.

I get that for some people it’s a way to unwind, and that’s cool – just do it *before* bed. Scroll through your feed, catch up on sports, read forums, do whatever you want as long as it’s not in the bedroom. When you’re done, put your phone on silent and leave it under your pillow or on your bedside table (facedown).

This goes for TV as well. And if you aren’t sold on the relationship benefits, consider that your brain forms associations between things very easily. It won’t secrete as much melatonin (sleep chemical) if it doesn’t think you’re going to your sleeping spot.

You have to train your brain to associate your bedroom with sleep… and sex! But watching TV and creeping your phone are definitely not associations you want to build.


3) Spend At Least 1 Hour a Week Dating


The vast, vast majority (I’d say 90%+) of couples I see don’t even spend an hour a week together doing stuff.

You don’t need to be going out for fancy dinners, expensive outings, or extravagant locations, a simple picnic in the park is enough. The key here isn’t so much what you’re doing, but that you’re doing it together with no interruptions.

If you have kids, get a sitter. Turn your phones off. I don’t care if you use your phone for work or if you’re on call. If you can’t be away from your phone for an hour, you’re lying to yourself about how important you are and disrespecting your spouse at the same time. Period.

Ride bikes together. Get some gelato and go for a stroll downtown. See a fortune teller, even if you know it’s a bunch of BS. Halloween is coming up… grab a latte and go pick pumpkins together.


Have Your Own Tips?


Have your own date ideas? Tips that have helped out your relationship? I’d love to hear about them! Post a comment below the article, and subscribe to my weekly email for free dating and relationship tips!

By October 13, 2015 July 15th, 2021 Blog, Psychology & Relationships

Author Ryan

More posts by Ryan

Join the discussion 3 Comments

  • chantelle says:

    What if you partner is never home because he work all day and then have a few hours of sleep then goes back to work all night?

    • Ryan says:

      Hi Chantelle,

      Ask yourself if it’s possible for you to have your needs met in your relationship. If someone is working two jobs with minimal sleep between them, it’s hard to imagine they have enough energy for themselves, never mind another person.

  • Andro@ someone.health says:

    Great advice! These three tips are simple yet powerful ways to instantly improve your relationship. Going to bed together not only helps you connect with your partner but also ensures that you have quality time together before sleep. It’s true that falling asleep alone can sometimes make you feel more alone and unsupported, even if it’s not the case. So, syncing up your schedules and making an effort to join your partner in bed can make a significant difference.

    I completely agree with the second tip of keeping electronics out of the bedroom. The bedroom should be a sanctuary for sleep and intimacy, and using phones or watching TV in bed can disrupt that. Training your brain to associate the bedroom with rest and relaxation is essential for better sleep quality.

    Lastly, dedicating at least one hour a week to spend quality time together is crucial. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive; the key is uninterrupted time together. Making the effort to turn off phones and get a sitter if needed shows respect and commitment to your partner.

    Thank you, Ryan, for sharing these valuable insights. These tips are definitely worth implementing to enhance any relationship. As for additional tips, I believe communication is key. Regularly expressing your feelings, actively listening to your partner, and addressing any concerns or issues can foster a strong and healthy relationship.

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